Review: Crimson Peak

So the other day I got roped in by my friends to see the new Crimson Peak movie and it's really pretty but at the same time it's typical Gothic romance by which I mean there's a lot of stupid decisions made. SPOILERS ABOUND

First off, THE GHOSTS ARE SUPER SCARY. I hate horror movies and the reason I agree to watch it is because my friend swore up and down that it's a Gothic movie and not a horror movie and it wouldn't be as scary. Yeah, the ghosts don't appear as often as they do in horror movies, but they are still goddamn scary. Oh, and there's a lot of blood, even in my country's heavily-censored version. So if you're not into that stuff, it's a good thing to keep those in mind before watching the movie.

So the plot is a pretty straightforward Gothic story: a young girl with an affinity for the supernatural gets involved with a mysterious man and his mysterious sister. Edith Cushing is the only daughter of a rich businessman. She aspires to be a writer, a Gothic writer like Edgar Allan Poe, but is told to write romance stories instead. One day Sir Thomas Sharpe, Baronet, arrives in her father's office looking for investors to fund his mining machine prototype. Sir Thomas Sharpe is played by TOM HIDDLESTON so you can bet he's Tall, Dark, and Handsome and Edith falls for him immediately (who won't tbh). Thing is though, her late mother's ghost once came from the underworld to warn her to "beware of Crimson Peak" and her father disapproved of Sir Thomas - but of course dear ol' Dad is mysteriously killed in an apparent "accident", leaving Edith free to inherit his estate and marry Sir Thomas.

Edith is a typical Gothic heroine by which I mean she makes STUPID decisions. Like IDIOTIC. First of all, she doesn't order a murder investigation the instant she saw her father's corpse, because no way did he slip and fell with such a grotesquely caved in face. Second, the instant she saw Allerdale Hall's rotting, sinking walls with a LITERAL hole in the roof  she should've put her foot down and said "no thank you I don't want to get pneumonia from these damp walls can we get a London townhouse, plznthx." To be fair, she's quick to clue in immediately about the weirdness that's going on in Allerdale Hall and she's absurdly tenacious and determined and a LOT of her idiotic decisions came directly as a result from the absurdly idiotic decision of the people around her. I actually come to like her in the end.

But I think the biggest idiot in the fucking movie is Mr Cushing. If I found that my only daughter's boo possibly killed his mother and has previously been married THREE TIMES with all of his wives MYSTERIOUSLY DIED I ain't gonna pull a Ned Stark and TELL HIM. I would've sat my daughter down, presented her with the evidence, and let her think for herself. Of course he's going to end up six feet in the ground; that's what happens to Ned Stark too fucking idiots.

Look, I'm a rational Ravenclaw. I'm not going to marry an impoverished English baronet who failed to get my father's approval to invest in his machines if I'm a rich-as-fuck heiress. Like, I'd settle for at least a Viscount but I'd probably buy a motherfucking printing press to act as my vanity publisher, I don't care. By definition, Gothic heroines are DUMB AS A BAG OF ROCKS. They're like white people in horror movies. If someone tells them 'this house is haunted, don't go to room 40B' they'd DEFINITELY go into the house and go to room 40B. Meanwhile, I'm like black people in horror movies. If someone tell me 'this house is haunted, don't go to room 40B' I'd be like 'k' and bail out of there as fastest I can. Obviously Gothic romance is not my favorite genres/

The costumes are SO PRETTY though, I'd give you that. I find myself wanting every single thing that Edith wears in the movie. And the visuals are gorgeous. It's a very, very pretty movie, but quite lacking in story and the dialogue sometimes can get so cheesy lmao. So this movie doesn't quite work for me. If you like Wuthering Heights and Gothic romances, though, you'll enjoy it immensely.

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